After being with "nice guy" for a year and a half, I had had enough and was not happy cheating, I wanted to be in an actual relationship and tried to leave him.

On a night out with my best friend Mike...

I met Bob.

Bob was so much my style of man. He met many of the social/emotional/sexual needs I was lacking.

Several days after meeting Bob, I told "nice guy" I was leaving. He fell apart. Came unglued....Sobbed, begged.

My heart broke, this was the nicest man in the world and I was breaking his poor little heart.

I felt like the biggest loser in the entire world. Why couldn't I be cold hearted like so many other people??

I finally ended it, by saying we would see what happens in the future...

A few months later I moved midwest to live with Bob.

I did leave the guy in Reno.

I let him leave to go to work one day and I just packed up and drove back to Ca.

And moved in with the "nice guy".

Now let me tell you about the nice guy.

He is sweet, sensitive, serious, makes great money, did I mention sweet?

But he has no personality, no communication skills, and definately no romance (sex) skills.

But he is safe...

Let me define when I say no sex skills. The man is happy with once a month (or two months) for him foreplay is about 5 minutes of touching and sloppy kissing. Then when he enters, he is able to last for about 30 seconds...sometimes almost a full minute before he ejaculates. He always blames it on me just being to damn sexy and making him so turned on.

All of the above does nothing AT ALL for me.

Over the first year I was with him I cheated on him several times. Its usually when he is gone on extended work related stuff. At first I felt a little guilty, but no longer do.

I have had very serious heart to heart talks with him about how I feel and the lack of sex and excitement. But he is more than satisfied with status quo. I am not.

I know that makes me a horrible person, but I guess I no longer care.

So I moved over to Reno with this young man. At first it was a match made in heaven. We got along great...the sex was fantastic...his family loved me. (I know! That was a rebound like no other)


Then the problems started...he was spending money like it was going out of style, he was drinking like a fish, and had some very bad habits and a temper to boot.

I quickly realized (inside of 2 months) that I had made a HUGE mistake moving there.

But I had kept in touch with the nice guy....

Chaos

After the first time I cheated on my hubby, I started really not caring for him. It became easy to just be a bitch. (He was always treating my like shit, so why not give it back to him).

All the more I was growing in my own thoughts and feelings, knowing what I liked and wanted.

I knew the marriage was over, but what kept me holding on were the kids. They were my life. I was not their real mother, but they had no other mother and needed me in their life.

For the rest of our marriage I was faithful. I came very close a few time to massing around, but it just wasn't worth the effort or getting caught. Plus I hate drama and sneaking around, so I just decided to wait till I was able to divorce.

One night I was out with some friends, met in person a man I had talked to on the phone many times (work related) and "thought" I had met the man of my dreams.

After work the next day, I let my husband know I wanted a divorce. About a week later I moved out and stayed with a girlfriend. While staying with this friend, she took me out for a "get over" my husband night out. I ended up being the sober one and she was fairly drunk. While out I met a fantastic, wonder guy, we exchanged phone numbers. The next week we went on a date and he ended up being one of the absolute sweetest people I have ever met, truely genuine.

A month later I moved to another state to see what happened with the other man, meanwhile the "nice" guy and I kept in contact.

Taking him back

I took my husband back despite all the foreboding feelings I had. The sex was bad, but we got along so good, and he needed a woman to take care of all aspects of life for him.

We were together for a few more years...life was boring, sex was boring (though I was completely faithful), we argued non stop.

The place I was working, I became very good friends with a particular man that worked in my department. We started out talking about the major problems his wife was having with his daughter (from another marriage) and he knew I was a step mom and wanted to know what I thought. We continue getting to know one another and one day he told me that when he thought about me it made him hard. I was really cautious about that, as we were both married and we worked in a large company. I could not afford for ANY rumors to be started. But I liked the fact that this really good looking man was in to me.

When we would work alone together he would grab my ass and make comments. He would tell me things that he wanted to do to my body. Finally he laid it on the line and said he wanted me and that I had to make up my mind what I wanted.

I was so bored with my marriage and unhappy with my hubby....

I met him the next week at a hotel in another town and we got busy. He was a meticulous lover and so sweet. He met so many needs that had long been unfulfilled. We left there that day vowing to be together again.

On the drive home the guilt set in. I had never cheated on him. I went home and made a fabulous dinner and tried to make a special evening of it. He was an absolute ass to me, at that moment I no longer felt an ounce of guilt for fucking another man.

BUT I never again slept with that man, because I knew he loved his wife dearly and i wanted no part of him having problems in his marriage. He begged me for years to be with him again....never have and we are still friends to this day.

When I met the man that would eventually become my husband I was still very naive and had much to learn about life. I was 19.

I met this guy that was larger than life, a charmer and smooth as silk. I was mesmerized, overwelmed and besotted my him. He was my everything. I wanted him and only him.

We had a fantastic sex life. Until.

Until I found out he cheated on me, and then I found out his ex was pregnant. In retrospect I should have run as fast as I could....but I was smitten, I forgave and continued to take care of this man.

But as time went on and I figured out he was so selfish, took and took from me.

As time wore on the sex became SO boring and ritualistic. I could go weeks and weeks with out an ounce of desire for him. But I had desire for every other hot looking man I saw on the face of the earth.

After 4 years of being in this, I became enamored with a young man. We were friends and he began telling me that I didn't deserve how I was being treated and deserve better, I agreed and left my hubby. I moved in with this other man as "roommates". We had fantastic time being together, until (he was military) he was called to go to Georgia and I didn't want to leave California so I stayed. My hubby came crawling back, admitting he was terrible and that he couldn't live with out me. Like an idiot I took him back.

After I broke up with my hot blonde jail bait, I went a little on the crazy side.

I was SO lonely, and I entered on of those ads for dating. I was 18, and very, very bored.

I went on a few dates and was thrilled when the weirdos dropped me back off at home.

But there were a few guys that I really dug, they were nice and I immediately fell very hard for them. At the time I was still naive enough to think that these guys actually cared for me and after a few dates I was more than willing to sleep with them.

I remember I ran into one guy that I had gone to high school with, we talked on the phone for a bit and then later that day we ended up having rough sex. He actually hurt me and made me feel stupid. Afterwards, he stood up zipped his pants and walked out.

That moment defined me. I was never going to let another man treat me this way. I never again went for players. I liked guys that were a little on the shy and naive side. I liked corrupting them. Making them know they had been with the very best.

This continued on for a year or so until I met my future husband....